Clearly, it's the movement...

So yet again, I'm up in the middle of the night. Can't sleep, can't get comfortable, although... Not exactly sleepy...

Any time I mention to someone that I can't sleep through the night, or even more than a small handful of hours at a time, it's always, "oh, is the baby keeping you up?". I suppose every other pregnant woman ever must be beyond irritated at her baby's movements. I don't know.. I can't really figure that one out.  I find the movements comforting... 'my baby is moving, I'm fine. We're fine. I can breathe...' I can't be the only one who feels this way, surely. Maybe the irritable ladies are just more vocal?

No, I don't get kicked awake. Sometimes it's the weird ass dreams that completely throw me for a loop, but sometimes, I just can't get back to sleep, no matter how relaxing the pouring rain is outside my window. Sometimes, like tonight, it is the bathroom trip, followed by the kitchen trip, followed by a 'why won't my mind turn back off?' sort of situation. The most frustrating part of that being that before this pregnancy, I've always been able to clear my mind at will, like some kind of Zen master. Falling asleep at will used to be my super power.

I know it has to be God awful and beyond frustrating for women across the globe to not be able to sleep, when we clearly need it the most, but I think it's the body's way of prepping us for what's to come. Making sure we don't get so used to a solid 8-9 hours straight (hahahaha!!) of sleep, so that it's easier to wake and tend to the new screaming life that will need you as desperately as you need them. Even if that's not the case, that's what I'm going to believe.

I've been up nearly 2 hours. If I'm lucky (and I rarely am), I can squeeze in another hour of sleep before the alarm goes off at 6... But I'm thinking I may make like a Hobbit and settle in for an early second breakfast...

Feels like the first time... Again..

So I truly never thought I'd be here again...

Pregnant.. expecting a tiny new life to literally burst forth from me in just a few weeks... I thought not only one was enough, but that one was all I could have.

I have PCOS, poly cystic ovarian syndrome. I have a history of terrible pap smears, warranting a number of increasingly horrifying biopsies (anything but fun, let me tell you). I have thyroid issues, and have yet to get a real diagnosis title, but I'm generally hypo, so I guess that's good enough. I have a curve in my spine that's not quite enough to land a scoliosis diagnosis, but is enough to dampen my day, most of the time... And there's a few other factors I can't really think of at the moment working against me.

He's a type one diabetic, who's been told his whole adult life that if be wants kids, he should just accept it, and adopt.

We'll have been together for a year 3 weeks before my due date.

My eldest is 11, will be 12 by the time this new baby is born. It's been so long since she was little, this all feels like a distant memory somehow resurfacing. The pain in my hips and back, as well as the unbelievable stretching and ever stronger kicking reminds me this is very real, and very much happening again... Soon...

Everything is the same, but so very different, and so long in-between. It's like the first time, but it's the second time down this crazy adventure.

Wish me luck..